I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
