sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
