u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
