and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
