i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
