pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
