I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
