someone owes me an orgasm
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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