i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
