Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
