Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
