What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
