She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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