There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
