Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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