Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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