wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
