I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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