I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
