I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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