i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
