they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
