All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
