hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
