you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
