Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
