I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
