Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
