Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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