remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
