i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We had sex on a dog bed..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
