just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
