I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
