Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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