Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
