Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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