No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
