well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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