I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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