dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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