it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
