but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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