doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The adults are the big ones right?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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