I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
