Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
