I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
