you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just want to make out with him forever
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
