Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
