The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You made out with two different species that night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
