Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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