the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Everclear isn't food dammit
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
