I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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