I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize