Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
