I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
